Let me just say up front that having to write this article before the big game even airs puts me at a slight disadvantage. So, I'll just have to make a few predictions and some wild guesses. And a few rants.

First prediction: The majority of Americans will over-indulge in something thanks to the Super Bowl. Mostly wings, pizza, beer and nachos. That's where "hair of the dog" comes in. The complete saying is, "hair of the dog that bit you," and comes from an old myth that suggests if you are bitten by a dog, you should take a clump of that dog's hair and rub it into your wound to help it heal faster. WHAT?! Can you say "septic infection?"

I prefer the modern version much better; it is definitely more sanitary and a whole lot more fun. According to the Urban Dictionary, it is typically an alcoholic beverage consumed as a hangover remedy. The expression means the best cure for what ails you is to have some more of it. "Like cures like." However, naysayers claim this is not a good hangover remedy because it simply encourages more deviant behavior. Still, many of my friends swear by this method!

Next prediction: Because I don't give a rat's butt about either team this year, I will primarily be focused on the commercials. Oh, like you didn't see that coming! Not sure if I like the fact that this year it is S.O.P. to post all of the commercials online well before the Big Game airs. This tends to spoil the anticipation of game day, and is the equivalent of a buzz-kill. Not to mention that it definitely reduces the need to even turn the game on. I doubt the NFL is too happy about that. But, at nearly $3.5 million dollars per 30-second spot, I guarantee you the network is laughing all the way to the bank!  

And that brings me to my next prediction: Which commercial will be the most popular? Historically you've got two camps on this — the guys who vote predictably for the sexy, soft-porn GoDaddy.com or Teleflora commercials, and the ladies who lean toward the sweet, heartwarming commercials with dogs and babies. Well ladies, I'm guessing you're gonna drop jaw and salivate over my personal pick this year: David Beckham in his booty-hugging, leave-nothing-to-the-imagination underwear commercial. Oh yeah, body ink and all! I think the guys will even have to grudgingly admit he's awe inspiring. Of course, his ad is already steeped in controversy ... does he pad his assets or not? I say, WHO CARES? Unless you're Victoria Beckham, it doesn't really matter!

So, how 'bout those funny animal commercials we all anticipate each Super Bowl? Prediction: After previewing most of them online, I'm going with the VW Dog Strikes Back commercial or the Doritos Man's Best Friend commercial. In the Volkswagen spot, an overweight Bolt, a 3-year-old Australian Shepherd and St. Bernard mix, gets himself back into tip-top shape just so he can chase the car. The Doritos commercial features a Great Dane who covers up a kitty-caper crime in the backyard and bribes the owner's silence with a bag of Doritos.

Even better, there's a local connection to the Great Dane, Huff. Huff's owner lives in Virginia Beach and submitted the commercial to Doritos as part of a contest. His ad will air along with one other competing Doritos ad, and Doritos will award $1 million to either creator if their ad scores the No. 1 spot on either the USA Today Ad Meter or the USA Today Facebook Super Bowl Ad Meter. Admittedly, I searched in vain to watch the full video of the highly anticipated Bud Light commercial featuring "Weego" the Rescue Dog. I could only find the teaser online, as Anheuser-Busch was one of the smart ones to keep their ad under wraps until airtime.

Most controversial commercial: My prediction is the Skechers Greyhound ad. More than 100,000 angry people (including me) signed an online petition urging Skechers to pull the ad because of its depiction of Greyhound racing (which is steeped in well-documented cruelty) and because it was filmed at a dog racing park in Arizona which has claims of animal cruelty against it. Shame on them, they would've been better off if they'd stuck with their former uber-materialistic spokesbimbo Kim Kardashian. Sucks to be replaced by a dog! Actually, the dog featured in the commercial is a diminutive French Bulldog named Mr. Quiggly. Apparently he is much less fame-hungry than the Kardashians (will work for kibble).  

And speaking of predictions, did you know there is a whole slew of animals, from the exotic to the banal, that are in the business of predicting the outcome of sporting events? Some of them quite handily! From Jenny the Elephant who declares Patriots will win trunk down, to Kiani the 600 lb. Sea Lion at the Bronx Zoo who is giving the nod to the Giants, to Meerkats and Donkeys. No matter whether fur, flippers or feathers, the majority of the pet prognosticators picked the New York Giants as victors. 

That's one prediction I didn't make, simply because I just didn't care!